The only people allowed to make fun of you, and get away with it, is your family. In my case, my sisters especially. I am now the middle child. So you know, that’s pretty rough. I used to be the youngest, and that was a good time. My oldest sister watched me, dressed me up, and treated me like the angel I was. She vacuumed up an entire bottle of baby powder I decided to shake all over the living room, played school with me, and almost saved me from chipping my tooth on a water fountain (it’s okay, Elizabeth, I forgive you).
One of the most embarrassing things that can happen to you is if someone takes a picture of an embarrassing moment. You see, the moment goes away. And as I’m sure you know from experience, the picture does not. You wouldn’t know that I got my arm caught in an exhibit at a zoo trying to pet a goat unless I told you. But as soon as you meet one of my sisters, you’re sure to see some humiliating pictures of me. Naomi likes to keep her favorites as the background on her phone. The infamous hot dog picture has been leaked to anyone standing next to her. Sigh.
And let’s not forget her camera’s impeccable timing when I’m angry at her. She just loves to pull out her phone and click click click click until I’m so agitated, she’s laughing hard enough to wet herself. But she doesn’t. I’m the embarrassing one. So when I was granted a little sister, I found it my duty to give her little bouts of torture as I was given. Let’s call them torturini’s ooh like tortellini. Yum.
Torturini #1 I wanted to try out the flash feature on my new digital camera that I got for Christmas. And what better time than the middle of the night? I sneakily pulled it off the dresser by the strap, and giggled to myself. With me being on the top bunk, she would have no warning. I held my arms over the edge of the railing, with the camera upside down. I didn’t even look at the screen or the viewfinder, just dangled my arms and held down the button. The flash bounced off the walls of our room with the brilliance of a thousand suns.
“Hannah?!! Did you see that? What was that?” She was so scared. I pulled my camera up as quickly as I could so she wouldn’t notice what I’d done.
“See what?” I asked nonchalantly, as I scrambled to look at the picture I had taken.
“That flash!! Lightning…” at this point I have absolutely no idea what she actually said because I was laughing so hard to myself. Of course it was a completely silent, painful laugh. Until I couldn’t hold it in anymore. Her eyes were WIDE open and her arms were reaching out as if a feral cat were about to attack her face. I wasn’t even looking, and I had taken the perfect shot! This was it. Forget the ballerina idea. I was going to be a photographer.
Unfortunately, when Lydia finally found out why I was laughing, she cried and my mom made me delete it. I wish I still had it today. Now if you’re feeling bad for my little sister right now, it’s okay. Here comes my turn.
I’m good at making a fool of myself. The worst times are when I’m not planning it, though. Like the time I was warming up for track, and accidentally tripped over a bunch of equipment, doing a backflip/cartwheel as the entire varsity lax team was coming on to the field. Another time I wasn’t planning it, was when I was very young, and apparently too trusting. We were renovating our upstairs bathroom, which meant that there was a big hole when we took down the old drywall, where a window used to be. We had all promised each other that we weren’t going to peek through said window when somebody was using the bathroom. It was a sacred trust.
As I mentioned earlier, Elizabeth, the responsible eldest has always been like a second mother to me. So when we had a bunch of people at our house, and the downstairs bathroom was occupied, I asked her to make sure no one would come up and peek at me while I was in there. The room on the other side of the window was completely dark, and I was trying to be quick because I was already scared of being upstairs alone, not to mention in a bathroom I didn’t have privacy in! Just as I went to pull up my pants, I almost had to pull em back down again so I didn’t wet them. Elizabeth popped up in the window with her camera!
A blood curdling scream left my mouth as I tried to understand what was going on. I TRUSTED YOU. I was so mad, but of course she couldn’t stop laughing. DELETE IT COME ON ELIZABETH PLEEEEASEEE. She just kept giggling and ran downstairs to tell everyone what was going on. Before I could even tell my side of the story, she had the picture developed and placed nicely in a photo album. That situation is still a bit traumatic for me, but I’m hoping that writing about it will help.
I guess what I need is a new embarrassing moment to void out these old scars. Oh well, I’m sure it will happen any second. Get your cameras ready.