As I flipped through my sister’s Seventeen magazine, I stumbled upon some interesting dating advice. It can be hard to understand generic flirting tips in teen magazines like this, so I thought I’d try to decode what it is they really think you should do.
1. “Master the bump-and-flatter. Run into a cute guy at a crowded party. Say, ‘Oh, sorry I become a total klutz around cute guys.'” – Run at him full force and knock him over, hopefully knocking him out. Then you can impress him even more with your first-aid skills that will save his life. He has to date you then.
2. “Watch Taylor Swift’s video “I’m Only Me When I’m With You” and channel her goofy, fun-loving personality.” – Forget about being yourself. Create a persona that every guy will like, and squash your unimportant individuality.
3. “Tease him a little.”– If he has a big nose, make fun of it. That’ll show just how interested you are.
4. “Ask him out “by accident.” Text him “What r u up to tonite?” When he replies, say, “Sorry that was for a friend—but yeah, what r u doing?” The tiny diss will make him work harder.” – Stop kidding yourself. We have made it to the twenty first century. Out of the hundreds of thousands of texts I’ve sent before, I may have sent two to the wrong person. He will catch on. It was no accident, and you are not clever to him.
5. “Ask him to help with your sunscreen. Be bold! Saunter over to your crush and ask him to help you apply sunscreen in those hard-to-reach spots.” – Hmmm well this isn’t asking for trouble at all. After all, it’s not like guys want a girl who has a little mystery or self-respect.
6. “Check out his clothes and ask about the sports team, band, or brand on his T-shirt.” – Stare at his socks until he wonders what’s wrong with you. “Uhh are you alright…” “Where’d you get those?” “Walmart…I think…”
7. “Leave this Facebook comment: “This pic is hilarious. What’s actually going on there?” After he responds, say, “You should tell me in person. 🙂 Wanna hang out this weekend?” – This is a great tip because every one of his Facebook friends can see that you said that whether he rejects you or not.
8. “Pass a handwritten note at a party that says, “Just saying hi!” Slip it into his pocket, it’s a million times cuter than a text.”– Don’t try talking to him in person. That’s way too forward and personal and reasonable.
9. “Make him nervous.” – Hide a cobra in your purse.
10. “Go volunteer. With all the great karma that comes from doing good, you’re sure to make a connection.” – Don’t even worry about your motives for being at the soup kitchen. The most important part of charity is that you get something out of it.
11. “Cycle On Over! Ride your bike right on up to a guy and chat him up.” – If you can’t catch his attention, you might just have to run into him straight on; that would be okay though because you would be doing the “bump-and-flatter” as well and two moves for the price of one is really something.