Confessions of a 1st Grader- diary entries from my childhood

I recently watched Mortified, a documentary I found on Netflix about a group of people who read their childhood journals onstage for an audience. It’s hilarious to watch, and at times, tragically emotional. When I came across some old notebooks of mine, I decided I would try sharing some of my own stories on here. The spelling mistakes are cringe worthy, and I rolled my eyes a lot, but I can somehow still find a part of my current self on each page. I hope these at least amuse you enough to make you blow a little extra air out of your nose in a half laugh.

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December 29, 2003

Dear Diary

I like to write very much. I love playing salon. It’s fun. I would realy realy realy like to meet Hilary Duff. I would love love love to be her but I do love love love being me. We are going to Grandmas and Grandpas house from Dads side of the family. You know the Mekeel family. (It’s a good thing I specified) I am realy glad God made me hoo I realy am I mean what if he had made me a farmer’s wife? I can not amagen. I am feeling funny I have to take a nap soon. 20 minuits later I am back and awake I got lots of notebooks for Christmas. We have to lisen to the radio but it’s lots of fun because we are listing to Advenchers and Odasey. Bye.

Hannah Dortheya Mekeel (apparently I hadn’t learned how to spell my middle name yet…)

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December 30, 2003

Dear Journal

Today is very good my Mom gave me a hair do. We love playing salon. I will try not to write anything mean because I know when my sister reads you she will be mad so anyway I realy want to be a ballarena very badly. My Favrite Foods are hot coco spegeti mashed patatos. I like warter melon too. We have to get some papers copped today it’s very boring but I am going to bring a book for on the way. Oh and they have a specil kind of mint there to eat! They are yummey well I am going to sleep in my bed later but I can’t whate to play salon today it is so fun oh and we don’t have to pay Naomi money now we just get to play (my mom must have found out that my older sister was swindling me out of my piggy bank by capitalizing on my favorite game) so eney way your friend Hannah

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Next there is an entire page devoted to trying to spell the word “polyester”.

 

Some important day in 2004: “I am going to remember this time in my life with this sticker.”    

 

 

 

 

 

Also there is a list of things I needed to bring with me to a sleepover:

1. Kettle corn
2. Silky robe
3. Stick on earings
4. Disney scene it

Sounds like a real rager

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December 29, 2004

Dear Diary, (ooh I use commas now)

Today is good. Lydia poked me with a fork, because she wanted to set the table when I alredy did. She’s taking a nap right now. I want to get this embarresing moment out of my head so I will tell you about it. On Sunday at church after we sang a song my teacher said “Give your self a hand”  and so I clapped a lot and jumped up quick shouting “Bravo” and when I went to sit down, the chair had fallen over so my legs went up high and everyone which was two boys saw my underwear.

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February 8, 2005

Yesterday was the superbowl! Janelle says that at family dollar she was looking at a book and a girl came up and said “looking at a book?” in a really snotty voice. I believe her, it’s a sick world.

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March 23, 2005

Today I was at mcdonald’s eating and a hot guy came in. (Eight year-old me really cuts to the chase.) He ordered then sat three chairs away from me. I kept staring at him until he asked me how I was, I said I was great, but I had a huge glob of food in my mouth so it sounded like “grape” after that he left.

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Ahh, the nostalgia. I had some pretty crazy times. I’m glad my grammar and spelling has improved though. If you have any funny diary entries from the past, feel free to leave a quote in the comments below! And if you don’t, you better start a journal right now that you can laugh at in five years! 🙂